Growing up in the U.S. with people in service roles bending over backwards to cater to customers’ every will in a strange cultural phenomenon called Customer Service, it can be hard to get used to the lack of customer service in European culture at first. Waiters aren’t as attentive, grocery store workers won’t offer to help you find what you’re looking for, and if someone thinks you are wasting their time, they will let you know with a sour look on their face – or they might even tell you so.
I see nothing wrong with this directness – indeed, most of the Europeans I’ve talked to find it refreshing, and are instead distrustful of Americans’ fake smiles and over-friendly mannerisms. While I can’t say I prefer European culture, I respect it was a cultural difference that is – as my friend Tommy would say – neither better nor worse, just different.
However, one cultural aspect I’ve noticed that I DO dislike is how it’s much more socially acceptable, or at least more common, to be completely rude to strangers. Now, #NotAllGermans are like this – I’ve met loads of really nice Germans who are perfectly capable of superficial politeness and passive-aggressive smiles. But already in my short time here, I’ve experienced or been witness to many unpleasant experiences involving usually-older Germans being incredibly and unnecessarily rude to other people, which shocked me as you almost never see that where I’m from.
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Example: I’m at the German embassy in Copenhagen to apply for a visa. I’ve just arrived in the city, am a bit flustered, and was definitely not expecting to have to speak German. Before I can do anything, I have to apply for a blocked bank account in which to deposit funds to prove I can support myself during my time here. It’s my turn in line, and the receptionist looks at me expectantly. I clear my throat and say, in German, “I would like to open a bank account.
She looks at me like I’m stupid and says with acid in her voice, “We’re not a bank.” I’m speechless, and while I’m stuttering trying to explain, her colleague comes over and explains the blocked account and what is necessary to do to open one. She glances back at me and tells me to take a seat – no apology or anything – then moves on to the next person.
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Another time, I’m sitting in an U-Bahn (subway train. The next stop arrives, the doors open, and more people get in. A young man with headphones in sits down next to the door. An old woman gets on, looks at him, and says, “That seat is reserved for Behinderte,” using a not-so-politically-correct word for people of limited mental of physical capacity.
He ignores her, and she sits down one seat over – there was plenty of space, it’s not like she had to stand. But instead of getting over herself, she lights in on the young man. “Can’t you see? That seat is meant for cripples! All the young people, they have no respect these days…” (I’m not even joking, she actually said that.) And when another man sitting next to her gently suggested that the sign was a big difficult to notice – being quite small, and well above eye level – she started in on him as well.
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More recently, I was on a train platform late at night waiting to change. I walked down the length of the platform to see if there were any open chairs to sit in, and found one group of four chairs with two women sitting in them. One was a very old woman with a small shopping bag perched on the edge of the seat next to her. The other was a middle-aged woman with two large handbags taking up the entire seat next to her. Deciding I would rather bother the younger woman than the older one, I pointed to the two bags and asked, “May I sit here?”
The woman’s eyes hardened. “There’s a place free right there,” she said. Oh great, one of THOSE Germans, I thought, feeling my blood pressure rise. I rolled my eyes and sat in the next seat over. The old woman smiled at me and quickly set her little shopping bag on the ground to make room for me.
Several minutes of tense silence ensued, the middle-aged woman and I avoiding each other out of our peripheral vision. I tried vainly to read an article on my phone, but couldn’t concentrate. After several minutes, she let out a low growl – I’m not even kidding you, she literally growled at me – in the back of her throat. Our stalemate over, I looked at her.
“I mean, I just don’t understand what the problem is, if there is a space free,” she burst out. “Why should I have to move my bags if there is a space free?”
“I don’t understand why your bags need a seat,” I retorted.
“Yes, but there is a space free!”
I glanced over at the old woman. She was smiling, revealing a mouthful of broken teeth, and babbling softly in a language that might have been Polish. “I didn’t want to disturb the old woman,” I explained. “But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
The old woman got up. A young man sat down in her place. A minute later, a middle-aged man came over, pointed at the two handbags, and asked to sit down. The rude woman immediately removed them without complaint. A moment later, even though no train was coming, she got up and walked away. Go figure.
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Like I said, #NotAllGermans are extremely rude like this. But these incidents happen with such frequency as to be impossible to ignore, leading me to assume it must somehow be more culturally acceptable to behave like that here.
Following the Wanderlust 
What`s the point in subscribing if you can`t even be bothered to post my reply/comment?
So sorry. My reply to a correspondent must have been held up in the post!
My apologies, working remotely has got me glued to a computer 8+ hours per day and I’m less motivated than ever to use a computer in my free time as well! I’ll try to be more prompt about approving comments, though.
Having lived in several societies (North America, Asia, and Europe), thank you for this article. I am very tired of people justifying the Germans’ arrogance and rudeness as somehow being cute and direct. This culture can be cold and rude often.
Exactly! Note how that so-called “directness” crumbles to nothing when they are faced with anyone that they perceive to be in authority- even some stroppy shop assistant!
Yes thank you for this post! I’m so tired of people justifying the rudeness of Germans by saying they are “direct”, but directness has nothing to do with their absolute lack of manners in public transportation or their complete disregard to other people’s personal space. People will bump into you on the street and never utter a simple “sorry”, ever! They will just keep on walking, looking ahead of them like you don’t exist. They will eat smelly food in cramped trains. They will stare at you with dead fish eyes as if they’re bored and your face is the most entertaining thing they’ll see all day (this seems to be more of a Berlin thing than in other areas of Germany, though). They will literally RUN ahead of you to get to a queue just two seconds ahead. They’ll walk through doors and then let go of the the door in your face instead of holding it for you for a couple of seconds. I could go on and on. Yes, there are exceptions, but as a society they are incredibly selfish, inconsiderate and self-centered and I’ll be glad the day I leave this gray, miserable city.
Germans are soooo rude! Thank you for this post. I am sick of their justification “we are direct” . But people can still be direct and polite! They are just lack of manner…It seems like they never learned how to be polite to others.
Germans are very self-centered and selfish as well. They are not empathic at all, because they are the most important persons in the world! They never say sorry….
But the worst thing of all is – they think Germany is the greatest country. They never say it out loud and pretend to criticize Germany. But when foreigners criticize a bit, they are all angry and try to protect themselves being passive aggressive…Once I brought this topic to my psychologist, she said “why do you feel like that? Germans are very nice and kind people. You must be wrong” it was speechless…
It’s so hard to deal with their selfishness and rudeness
I lived in Germany for many years and I must say I’m glad I don’t live there anymore! I was just tired of being received everywhere with rudeness! You can be direct without being rude! Germans are direct and I don’t find that a bad thing but what I do find really bad is how rude they are!
In cafés, restaurants, shops, metro, school… Everywhere you go you have to watch out because people will be rude to you. And the worst part is that they don’t even realize that this is not cool! They think its normal to act like that!
Once I was in a restaurant in Germany with a friend after coming back from a relaxing holiday in Spain and I ask the waiter: “what would you recommend today?”, his answer was: “I don’t know! I’m not the one who is eating, you have to decide!” and immediately I was thinking: “Damm, we are back to Germany…”
This is just one of the examples but there are thousands more that wouldn’t even fit in this comment session…
I noticed that sometimes to not have this image of rude, some people try to be overly polite in a way that is clearly not natural! Its either 8 or 80! I’m really glad I don’t live there anymore! really really glad!
This is the best solution you have left this shameless,rude country. I can not describe during my stay here for 2 years, I have encountered social attitudes more than ten positions every day for two years. When I talk to my mother, she tells me you’re rude and unkind, what’s going on with you? you are not my son; Then I told myself that I was trying to be like them to avoid them, but today after I got a chance to leave the country after I got a job in New Zealand as a doctor. Today I thank God and I swear I will never return. I can not describe the amount of insolence I have encountered in Germany
I lived in Germany for many years and I must say I’m glad I don’t live there anymore! I was just tired of being received everywhere with rudeness! You can be direct without being rude! Germans are direct and I don’t find that a bad thing but what I do find really bad is how rude they are!
In cafés, restaurants, shops, metro, school… Everywhere you go you have to watch out because people will be rude to you. And the worst part is that they don’t even realize that this is not cool! They think its normal to act like that!
Once I was in a restaurant in Germany with a friend after coming back from a relaxing holiday in Spain and I ask the waiter: “what would you recommend today?”, his answer was: “I don’t know! I’m not the one who is eating, you have to decide!” and immediately I was thinking: “Shit, we are back to Germany…”
This is just one of the examples but there are thousands more that wouldn’t even fit in this comment session…
I noticed that sometimes to not have this image of rude, some people try to be overly polite in a way that is clearly not natural! Its either 8 or 80! I’m really glad I don’t live there anymore! really really glad!
These might come in handy:
https://oaeblog.com/2018/02/12/rude-german-directness/
http://40percentgerman.com/home/2017/4/12/the-myth-of-german-impoliteness
My two cents worth.
I totally agree with you. Quite a lot of my compatriots have the habit to be rude, selfish and lack the minimal civilty necessary to create an atmosphere of ease and community. However, I hope you will also find people here in Germany that are polite and cooperative. As a side remark – in my opinion some Americans often overdo the politeness and friendliness in a way that appears a bit false. Still – the best way you show the world your teeth is to smile.
Zyriacus – oh yes, don’t worry, I’ve met plenty of friendly and polite Germans as well. It seems to be a rather small segment of the population that behaves like I described, although since I almost never experienced things like that back home, it really struck me here. Interestingly, I have experienced some “American-style” over-polite customer service here too – once when I contacted my German health insurance company, and once when I opened a German bank account. I’m not going to lie, I really appreciated it, but I know there are lots of Americans and Europeans alike who prefer a more direct, honest form of communication.
I want to distinguish the directness from the rudeness, too. I think directness is just a cultural difference you have to accept and neither culture is necessarily doing it “right.” But I do think the lack of manners I described in the situations above, when it was clearly unnecessary and making other people uncomfortable, is not good.